Humour

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Two elderly men Sam and Arthur, avid bridge players get some bad news Arthur is dying. Sam says to Arthur, "please Arthur when you get to heaven somehow send me a message and let me know if there's any bridge up there."  Arthur says he'll try. Arthur passes away and a week goes by, not a word. Then suddenly Sam gets the call. "Sam" Arthur says," there's good news and bad news. The good news is there's a duplicate on Tuesday, the bad news is you're playing."

A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, "Well, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked.
   They played a game called Bridge, and last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you've got." 
Another man said, "I've got strength but no length." Another man says to the lady,
 "Take your hand off my trick!" I pretty near dropped dead just then, when the lady answered,
 "You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise."
 Another lady was talking about protecting her honour and two other ladies were talking and one said,
 "Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine."
 Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn't say,
"Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber."

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Learning she was going to have twins, the bridge playing wife said, 

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Do you know what the difference is between a mad psycho serial-killer and a bridge partner?

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We had a partnership misunderstanding. 

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A well known lawyer was heard to say to his partner

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After another bad result North tore off a tiny portion of the score slip, threw it at his partner and said

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Teaching one of my students to finesse with AQxx opposite J10xx, I got her over to the dummy to lead the Jack and when East played low I said to her to play low too. She won the trick and looking somewhat surprised, placed her hands on her hips and said

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Two ladies were playing in a local duplicate against a player of some repute who escalated himself into a somewhat lofty contract of 4hearts which went 2 down. During the course of the play it transpired that one of the ladies had H:KQJ10 + 2 aces at which point her partner duly admonished her and enquired why she hadn't doubled to which she replied :

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West bids...., North doubles East looks at South suspiciously:  Is your partner's double for business?

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Declarer on my right was about to pull a card out from dummy when it was her turn to play a card. Before I could say anything. My partner said "Aren't you playing from the wrong hand?" Declarer looking rather vexed by this comment said